woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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