Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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