I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Sober January is a disaster.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
