If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
