its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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