I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
