It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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