Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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