It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
