We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I want to fling myself into the sun
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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