On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
its not stalking. its research.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
