I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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