I just made out with a guy for $7.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
