Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
