Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
