she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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