So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
