Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
