Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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