The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
