I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
