She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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