ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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