my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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