Pappa wants mamma naked
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Mom said you looked used
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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