Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
