just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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