It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
