dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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