I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We don't watch enough power rangers
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
