At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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