saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
