Screwed.edu
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's rum buckets o'clock
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
