this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
