ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
