If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
