Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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