btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
