I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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