You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
