Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
