think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
