Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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