it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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