I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
