we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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