I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
