The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
