Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
