You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
